Same crap, different place

Well, parkspages.com is currently down -- has been for months. I just haven't taken the time or money to open it up again.

So in the meantime, I'm posting crap here. Since I haven't told anyone about it, I'm sure that I'll be the only one that reads stuff here.

I'm also working on a blog/wiki thing over at TiddlySpot using TiddlyWiki, which just happens to be a fantastic tool. I'll be tracking some of my projects over there while I get things together to return to my online identity.

Right now, I'll bring you up to date:

I am currently unemployed, having left my last job of my own accord back in October. My only real regret about that job is that after working there for 90 days, I accepted a full-time position; something I should not have done. That last year there was one of the darkest times of my life, based 60% on me, and 40% on the job.

I have been working with a career counselor trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I've slacked off on that (haven't talked to him since before X-mas) and feel that I really need to get back into it. I have the materials, it's just getting myself in the right frame of mind to do what I need to do. He's a good guy, and I think the path of self-discovery that he sets out will do me some good.

Our house is falling apart. Well, not really, but we've reached maximum saturation on kipple. The massive quantities of STUFF are taking over our house. We have no place to put it. And with my wife working more to make up for my no-job slack, many of the housework chores are falling to me. Vacuuming, laundry, dishes, and general tidying up are taking up a lot of my time. I don't know how I'll ever get to the basement to clean it out and make way for my massive Rock Band stage (more on that later).

And finally, I'm wrestling with the fact that I'm 40, that I'm in my fifth decade of life and have nothing but grey beard hairs to show for it. I've had one high-paying job, but I've lacked the ambition to parlay that into a second high-paying job. My artistic talent has proven to be nothing but an esteem-crusher since I've done nothing with it, and the many projects I've started and never completed decorate my subconscious like vicious Christmas ornaments on a slowly drying tree in the living room of my mind. It's a pretty ominous and awesome thing sitting right smack in the middle of my life. A thing I'll need to blow up with dynamite rather than chip away at with the tiny hammer and chisel I normally use on problems.

There are many things I'd like to have. I'd like to have a patio, a basement that doesn't leak, a driveway, hell -- an expansion on the house -- and things like Rock Band and a car that I have confidence in.

But I'll never get these at this rate.

If I've ever been headed for a Significant Emotional Event, it's right now. Something's got to give, and I just hope it's not my spirit. I have to believe that I'm stronger than this, that I can overcome this worming malaise that's gripped me.

I need a plan.

I need to iron out what I need to do.

I need to overcome the grasp of laziness, the Beetle Bailey syndrome that's been a hallmark of my life, and start to intentionally move forward.

This is the direction I'll be moving. This is the way I want to go.